


I like the number 5

by TransLunar



Category: SHINee
Genre: Gen, RIP Kim Jonghyun, Stream of Consciousness, remembering jonghyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 19:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13864329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransLunar/pseuds/TransLunar
Summary: stream of consciousness about how i feel now, after over 2 months, to help process.





	I like the number 5

**Author's Note:**

> I know we're all still struggling. I hope this little bit of stream of consciousness type prose as I sort through my own feelings can help others who are hurting as well.

"Why five?"

"I like the number five."

 

_I like the number five._

 

* * *

 

I like the number five.

 

Five is whole.

Five is complete.

Five is home.

Five is

forever.

 

And you will never understand its significance.

 

I've told you before.

Of dancing, and singing, and laughing.

Of bowl cuts, and fried chicken, and Gucci.

 

But you never understood its significance.

 

Of standing in the midst of a crowd of hundreds of others who are screaming just as loudly as you

loving the same as you

sharing

the same as you.

 

Of learning from mistakes.

Of building people up.

Of searching until you're finally able to know

who you are.

 

And that you are loved.

 

And cherished.

 

Despite everything wrong with you

 

and maybe even

because

 

of everything wrong with you.

 

 

But you never understood the significance.

 

 

Of shock.

Of disbelief.

Of pain.

Of emptiness.

 

Of healing.

Of comfort.

Of memories.

 

Of a single rose

beside five candles

that I keep lit any time I can

and replenish when the petals begin to dry

and when the wick is ash.

 

An investment

for the rest of my life.

 

Because he

is

significant.

 

Even now.

 

So damn real

and alive

because I am alive.

 

He shaped me.

He pulled me from the dark.

He led me to myself.

And he smiled at me.

And he loved me.

And he comforted me.

 

The least I can do is

remember.

To feel pain.

Loss.

To carry a bittersweet smile.

To be grateful

for his existence.

 

And to support his brothers four.

 

The day I forget

is the day I will die

regardless of pulse

or breath.

 

 

For I was created

 

by Kim Jonghyun.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaand it turned into more like what I wish I could convey to my family. Idk if they'll ever understand.


End file.
